[ Practice Makes Perfect ] --» Chapter Six

The next morning I woke up in a cold sweat. My blankets were scattered in every which way across my bed, and I was disheveled in the center of it all with a mind blowing headache. I hadn't woke up with pain like this in weeks, and not just from the headache. More from the guilt that slept on top of me all night after realizing what a horrible thing I'd done. Basically, I was a mess.






I bought my feet over the edge of my bed and pushed a piece of my cool dark brown hair behind my ear. I sighed heavily, knowing that the next few days could quite possibly be the hardest I've ever had to experience, and I was scared shitless. Still searching for enough strength to push myself off my bed, I bought my hands up to my face and buried it inside of them. Without thinking, I let out a piercing scream hoping that my hands could somewhat mute the noise. So much for that. A few seconds after, Cami slowly walked into my room still looking as pissed off as she did last night. She folded her arms and stared sternly down at me, as I sat there pathetically slouching over the edge of my bed.






"Good to see you had a good night's sleep." Sarcasm and disgust reeked over all her words, which made me feel that much worse. But in all honesty, I need this. I need Cam to be hard on me until I can figure out a way to make this right.






I bought my eyes up to meet hers, and before I could even get words out, tears overcame me and I broke down. I slid off the edge of my bed and fell to the floor with my back resting against the side of my bed. My hair clouded around my face, making my puffy reddened features nearly invisible from Cami's view. My mind was in a tornado of thoughts and all I could think to do was shake my head behind my curtain of hair. I clenched my hands into a tight fist and slammed it against the side of my nightstand. I screamed at the initial contact which caused Cami to come rushing to my side. She sat next to me and pulled me close against her side, and I continued to cry into her shoulder.






"How could I do something so fucking stupid Cam? I didn't want to do that?!" I sounded helpless mumbling into her sweatshirt. "How am I ever gonna face Sid knowing I did this? I can't Cam, I just can't. It'll hurt him so bad...and that's the last thing I ever want to do to him."






I could feel Cami nodding from above me. She took her hand to the side of my head and lightly stroked the side of my head to get me to calm down. I lifted my head up slightly to see her eyes that were now entering comfort mode instead of angry best friend mode.







"I know Leigh. I know you didn't want anything that happened to happen last night. I know how much you like Sidney, and I know how the last thing you want to do is hurt him. But you have to tell him. You can't just keep it a secret, because you and I both know how you get when you feel guilty. I think what you need to do is go out with Sid somewhere where you can just talk this through with him. He's a nice guy, he'll understand. Things obviously won't be--"






She was interrupted by my phone ringing. I snatched it off the top of my night stand and my whole body froze at the sight of Sidney's name coming up on the screen. Still flustered by the situation, Cami took the phone out of my hands and flipped it open.






"Sidney? Hi it's Cami...Leigh's roommate. Yeah, I don't know if she's up for going out right now. Maybe you should just come here for a little and talk to her. Ten minutes? Okay, okay yeah that sounds fine. I'll be sure to let her know, bye."






She turned to me, and my eyes widened at the thought of Sidney seeing me like this, and of all the things I was going to have to tell him. "Why would you tell him to come here?!" I squealed collapsing my face into my hands again.







Cami was quick to rip my face from my hands. "Now you listen me. You have to do this. It's better if we just nip this in the butt now so it doesn't get any worse. When he gets here, just remember that he loves you and you love him too. That more than anything else should make this work between you two. I'm going to get some coffee with Tess."







My eyes bulged at the sound of being in the house with Sidney with no back up whatsoever from my friends. Cami grabbed my hand and gave me a reassuring smile, "You can do this Leigh. Just be strong. I'm sure he'll understand."






With that Cami got up from the floor and walked out of my room and out the door with Tessa. I sat on the floor of my room thinking of every possible outcome of my soon conversation with Sidney and the bad ones seemed to stick in my head the most. I finally mustered up enough strength to make my way across the hall to the bathroom to splash some cold water on my face and take a look at my less than pleasing reflection. I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath as the sound of the doorbell filled my ears. I opened my eyelids slowly and continued to think of what to say as I walked to the door.





I reached for the top lock and still had nothing conjured up to say inside my head. I turned the lock slowly and pulled the door towards me, only to unveil a slightly snow covered Sidney in a black sweatshirt, gray sweats, sneakers, and that little gray hat he always wore.







He smiled down at me as he took a step inside. I put on my best forced smile and led him over to the couch in the living room after he took of his shoes. With his fingers laced perfectly within the spaces of mine, I grew more nervous by the second. We had been basically silent except for me barely whispering "Hey" to him when he came in. He was first to sit down, and as I sat Indian style on the ottoman to the side of him.






"So..." He said breaking the silence, "What'd you do all weekend while I was gone?"







Great. Let's just start off with the one question I was dreading to answer. I played with my fingers nervously as my mind ran a marathon over what to say to him. I knew no matter what I said, I couldn't lie. Not to Sidney, never. I couldn't he's been too good to me. I decided I'd ease into it, but not before my gut reaction took over for me.







"I kissed another guy Sid, and I'm so sorry. I don't know what I was thinking, because I probably wasn't because I was so drunk. But I don't want to make excuses for myself. What I did was stupid and I've beaten myself up for it so bad ever since then, and it just goes back to what I said to you that day in the coffee shop. You deserve someone so much better than me. Like look at me! Do you really want someone who's been pretty much an emotional wreck this past week? I understand if you don't want to talk to me ever again. But I just want you to know that I never meant to hurt you, and I--"







"Woah, woah, woah...Calm down Leigh, and please don't cry I can't stand seeing you cry, it rips me up inside." Sidney leaned forward and pulled me up onto his lap. I couldn't help, but continue to cry as his arms coiled around my center. I couldn't understand why he was doing this, why he was still being so nice after I'd been unfaithful to him.







"Shhh, Leigh calm down...it's okay. We're gonna be okay." I quickly bought my head up to meet my eyes with his after he said that. I gazed deep into his hazel eyes and saw the initial hurt from everything I had told him. But as I kept searching, I saw something else, something forgiving and compassionate. My mouth was still agape trying my best to formulate some kind of thank you. But I was cut off by the feeling of his warm smile against my skin. My lips on instinct curled to respond and he let out a small laugh causing chills to run up my spine.







I buried my face into his chest shaking my head lightly, still questioning why this was all working out 200 times better than expected. "Why are you so good to me? You should be hating me right now," I mumbled into his sweatshirt unknowingly letting out another smile into him.








His hand lightly stroked the side of my hair and he gently kissed the top of my head. "First off I could never hate you, because I love you way too much. Second, I can't lie I am kinda mad, but I can't blame you entirely for doing what you did. I haven't been home for a week and I can't expect you to just sit at home and be perfectly fine with me not being around. But I want you to know, that I forgive you. I know this is all new and really hard for you to get used to. And don't you ever think for a second that you don't deserve what you have. You're an amazing girl Leigh, more than you realize. I want you to know that. And I want to just put this behind us. We all make mistakes right? Let's just not let this happen again."






I leaned off his chest and sat up on his lap so I was about eye level with him. I bought my hand to my cheek to push away the last couple of tears that were resting on my cheek and with a little help from Sid they were all gone. His hand stayed on the side of my cheek cupping in gently inside of his palm. Another smile emerged from both us practically simultaneously and we both let out a small laugh.







Sidney took this as his cue to eliminate the space between us with one of the most powerful kisses I've ever experienced. Both his hands cupped my face my lips curled on instinct into a smile against his. He leaned down so that his back was flat against the couch and I lay perfectly on top of him, not once breaking the forgiving kiss that we were sharing. His lips carefully caressed mine and I was responding with every ounce of thankfulness that my body possessed.





This kiss was more than just a kiss. It was a confirmation. It was a confirmation that Sidney and I were not easily broken or faltered. It was a sign of forgiveness of Sidney for me and me for my drunken decisions. But more than anything, it was the affirmation that our love was going to last.